The Vicarious Student (character monologue; intertwined with pathetic 'teasers')

I’ve seen you all, marching from A to B. Automation turns you into human beings. I hope I never gain that honour. I’ve watched for a long time now, well, it feels like a long time. Just 16 years. All my life. Watching.

I see through the eyes of a boy I’ve never met. Yet manage to see the same world in ways he’s never dreamt of. He’s too busy ‘living his life’ to see what I see. He sees his world. I see the world. All the corruption, disease, you’re like adults confined to nappies. Wallowing in your own shit, waiting for someone or something to come along and change you. There’s no point, you’ll only fill up the next one. And continue Filling the Void of your lives with whatever shit you can grab and taint.

I’m a stranger in my own skin, I don’t know myself, yet know this boy. My host. The one whose privacy I invade all day everyday doesn’t even know I exist. Fuck, even I didn’t know I existed till I was 5. Imagine my face when I woke up and found out all my life was a dream, someone else’s dream at that. I’d imagine it too, if I even knew what it looked like. They don’t have any mirrors up here. ‘They’…I’m not in the mood to address them by their real title. My creators, my captors. The only beings I’ve met face to face, the ones that convinced me there’s Something to Fight For. They want to send me to this nightmare world, your Land of Poisoned Skies.

Imagine the Revelations that the woman you knew as “mummy” and the shadow you knew as “daddy” were not even aware of your existence. Every memory is a lie, my first birthday, that was someone else’s candle I blew out…with someone else’s breath.

By thinking these thoughts have I started Crossing the Rubicon of my own destruction? Or the ascension above and beyond what they know?

Lies built on lies, enriched by my contempt for all of you. Will I have my revenge? Or will I just play your one sided games? I honestly don’t know. Too many treat me like a pawn, they don’t realise that in their desire to prove their power, they made me their equal.

Destroy me. I dare you. Label me a mistake, a skippable footnote. And with that move you’ll brand yourselves failures. And me a Martyr.